My littlest one is growing up. They all are. Pretty much at warp speed and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I have always held my children as much as possible. I smother them with kisses until they push me away. And then a few more to top it off. I never wanted them sitting in a baby seat longer than absolutely necessary, and always carried them as newborns. I always wanted to feel them in my arms and for them to know that I was close. I learned how to do many tasks one handed just so I could keep holding my babies. Pancake breakfast from scratch one handed? No problem! Responding to emails with one hand to punch out the letters? Still worth it! But the thing is, they’re getting too big to hold anymore. Asa is almost as tall as me and I don’t think I could catch Finley if my life depended on it. I still hold Bea as much as she’s willing (which, thankfully is still pretty often) and I don’t want to forget what that’s like. Ever. Sure, there will always be babies to hold but they won’t be mine. When you are a mom it is the most wonderful feeling in the world to know that you can provide the ultimate comfort. That no one else will do quite as well as you. It’s a huge responsibility and sometimes you long for the days when you could breeze out the door without any type of guilt or goodbye drama. But mostly, you love it. Because knowing that you are loved and loving back with your whole heart is the greatest gift in life.
My hope is that neither one of us ever forgets what it felt like to hold and to be held.
And thank you to my mom for taking these impromptu pictures of me and Bea one afternoon. I will be forever grateful. Sometimes I wish I could still curl up in her arms and find the most peaceful comfort there.